Oct 29, 2016 | Bout News
Atomic Bombshells win the Gilded Steak
Our Lady of Immaculate Concussions- Gilded Steak Mini-Tournament
GAME 1: The Atomic Bombshells vs The Dagger Dolls by Slamurai Jack
The Dagger Dolls flooded out onto the track. The Dolls’ dance crew waved their pom-poms and the mascots Danimal and Mean E were all pinked-out and amped up swarming the track, too. This was Killer Bea and spaz cadet’s (purposefully not capitalized, arm-chair editors) first bout, having been drafted this past summer. Sadly, this night would be Winona Collider’s last game with Minnesota RollerGirls before she moved to Colorado.
The usual screaming siren accompanied the Atomic Bombshells’ entrance into the Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The army of orange-clad Bombshells skated out onto the track. This was Messi Jigler and Freeze Baby’s first bout back skating with the Bombshells after taking an absence. It was Chocolate Pain’s first bout ever with the Bombshells.
From the stage, Mark Hamburger of the St. Paul Saints counted down from 11, in remembrance of Jacob Wetterling. The whistle blew, and Season 13 began.
The game started off with Riotchu jamming for the Atomic Bombshells, and spaz cadet for the Dagger Dolls. Riotchu quickly established lead and nabbed 4 points for the Bombshells. Next Freeze Baby jammed for the Bombshells and was up against BiPolarBear. Freeze Baby got 11 points, but had to fight her way through Winona Collider and Polly Punchkin to do it. BiPolarBear broke through the pack to get 7 points for the Dagger Dolls.
The biggest chunk of points for the Bombshells was carved out by SmokaHontas who scored a 20 point whopper of a jam. Madame De Stompadour and Diamond Rough led the Bombshells’ defense and held Kattoo who was jamming for the Dolls, keeping her scoreless that jam, giving the Bombshells a 40-9 lead.
BiPolarBear and Hannah Shot First both had great blocking games, forcing the Bombshells’ jammers out several times. The Dolls’ jamming rotation relied heavily on spaz cadet, Ova Achieva, and Kattoo. Despite some exciting lead jams, the Dolls couldn’t quite get past the defense brought by Chocolate Pain, Bully Jean, Messi Jigler and the rest of the Bombshells’ walls. With SmokaHontas, Riotchu, and Hutrude Stein’s jamming, the Bombshells overcame the Dagger Dolls to a final score of 130-28.
GAME 2: The Rockits vs The Garda Belts by Slamurai Jack
The Garda Belts exploded out from backstage. Flashes of green light illuminated the track from Hal'Luci-Jen’s light saber. Baller, newly drafted from North Star Roller Girls, excitedly (she doesn’t do things any other way) waved at the fans before her first ever MNRG game.
The Rockits took the track. Ms. Rockitbot riled the audience up with her signature dance moves. The Rockits had the most new skaters with Myrtle Kombat, Moose Def-initely, and Coley Smokes all joining from MNRG’s bootcamp. Daft Spunk transferred from Windy City.
Citizen Pain jammed for the Gardas against Moose Def-initely for the Rockits. Citizen Pain got lead for the first jam after getting caught up on the first turn by the Rockits offense. Baller’s defense kept Moose busy, allowing the Gardas to get 1 point before calling the jam.
That first jam would be indicative of the rest of the game - low-scoring due to tight defense that kept both teams fighting for points the whole game.
The biggest scoring jam of the game for the Gardas went to Baller and Ida Sockher. Baller lined up on the jam line against Jojo Juk'Em for the Rockits. Baller fell prey to Animal and MeshugEnough’s solid wall. Trapped, Baller passed the star to Ida Sockher just as JoJo went to the penalty box. This power jam for the Gardas would open the score up to a 25 to 6 lead for the Gardas.
The Rockits weren’t outdone yet. The biggest scoring jam of the game belonged to Rhea Volt. She jammed against Mugsy Maurader and broke out of the pack right away to get lead for the Rockits. Madrad’s excellent screening of the Gardas along with some penalty trouble helped Volt rack up 24 points for the Rockits, closing the gap considerably and putting the score at 34 for the Garda Belts and 30 for the Rockits.
Ultimately the Gardas out-scored the Rockits with a jamming rotation led by Bri Zuss, Sarin Dipity and Ida Sockher. The Gardas’ blockers held the Rockits to successive low scoring jams and brought the game to a close with 80 points for the Garda Belts and 49 points for the Rockits.
CONSOLATION GAME: The Rockits vs The Dagger Dolls by Slamurai Jack
Rockits put Moose Def-initely on the jam line against Winona Collider for the Dagger Dolls. Moose busted through the pack and got lead while the Rockits’ blockers led by Madrad held Wino in the pack as she stashed the star. The Rockits started the game off strong and put 7 points on the board while they kept the Dolls scoreless.
But the second jam of the game saw a lead change with spaz cadet jamming for the Dolls. spaz got lead and went through fast, getting a grand slam as Jo-Jo Jukem was still caught in the pack due to strong blocking led by Tara Skatesov and Kung POW Bitchin. Jo-Jo went to the box on a track cut penalty, which allowed spaz cadet to get through the Rockits’ walls and earn 24 points while keeping the Rockits to zero points for that jam.
Another 21 point jam later in the game by BiPolarBear for the Dagger Dolls helped establish a wide gap to put them way in front. A late-game jam by MadRad added 20 points for the Rockits. That jam, Kattoo was jamming for the Dolls and got stuck. She star-passed to Lydia Punch, who got blocked immediately by the Rockits, bridging the pack. Animal was one-on-one against Lydia and got a blocking out of play penalty just as Lydia smacked Animal on the butt out of frustration and went to the box for a forearm penalty. At the end of the jam, the score was at 68 to 51 with the Dagger Dolls still in the lead. With only 1 minute left, the Rockits couldn’t make up the difference and the Dagger Dolls won with a final score of 68 to 59.
GILDED STEAK CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT: The Atomic Bombshells vs The Garda Belts by M’Damn Death Rae
It all came down to this. The Atomic Bombshells faced off with the Garda Belts to see who would be going home with the Gilded Steak, and who would be going home second best. Both teams had been giving their all this evening. But before the final bout, a beautiful tribute played to Wes Bailey, the derby photographer that was friend to many, and an integral part of Minnesota roller derby, who sadly passed a week before the game. If Wes had been there, he would have wanted an awesome game, and that’s exactly what happened tonight.
Right away in the first jam, Riotchu set a fierce tone for this game by ninjaing her way out while Ida was still stuck in the pack. On the second time through, Riotchu was knocked out by Citizen Pain and Olga Ogilthorpe, but shoved her way out in turn four. Ida passed the star to Baller, who wasn’t able to score any points before Riotchu called it. Bombshells end the first jam with a lead of 9 to 0. The Bombshells keep that lead well into the game.
Gardas got on the board in the next jam when Bri Zuss took lead jammer while her teammate, Second Hand Smoke, kept Bombshell’s jammer, Freeze Baby, from getting out of the pack. Freeze Baby managed to make it out before Bri made a sweet apex jump and called it, making the score 9 to 4 with Bombshells leading.
The Bombshells built momentum, gaining a strong lead despite the best efforts of the Gardas’ blockers. The Bombshells found an extra boost almost halfway through the game when Sarin Dipity hit the penalty box for a track cut, giving Madame De Stompadour a power jam. Stompy had to work for it, going up against the intense blocking of Hertrude Stein. Stompy finally worked past, only to get blocked again by Brutal Brit, again and again until Stompy called after earning her team 13 points, bringing the score up to 25 Bombshells, 5 Garda Belts. With nearly 17 minutes in the game, there was still time for the Gardas to change things around.
The next jam, Second Hand Smoke took lead jammer against Freeze Baby and the Garda teammates had her back in a big way, keeping Bombshell’s jammer from scoring anything that jam. But the next jam, the Bombshells got their revenge, with Riotchu earning 20 points for the Bombshells, bringing the score to 40 to 14. The game was half done, and it looked like it was clear who might be winning this round. The Bombshells continued to blast through, jam after jam until they had a lead that would be impossible to close: 52 Bombshells to 14 Gardas.
Jam 13 is when everything changed. Ritochu received a track cut, and skated off to the penalty box, letting Ida take a power jam for the Gardas, and she was not going to let this opportunity pass her by. Trudy tried to keep her down, but Ida was relentless. Every time we thought the jam was about to end, she completed another pass, scoring a ridiculous 30 points, the highest scoring jam the whole evening. The announcers and the crowd went wild! The score was TIED, 52 to 52!
Inspired by this unexpected boost, the Gardas did their best to keep up with the Bombshells, keeping the score close until Mugsy Marauder faced off against Riotchu, who had a power jam. Riotchu was pushed out and drawn way back by the Gardas’ blockers, but eventually made it through, bringing the score to 62 Bombshells, 52 Gardas. The Gardas kept fighting back, but in the final jam, with only 30 seconds left in the game, Freeze Baby made lead jammer for Bombshells against Ida for the Gardas. 30 seconds passed and all Freeze Baby had to do was call it off and the Bombshells won. She called it with a final score of 66 Bombshells to 57 Gardas. The Bombshells won the Gilded Steak!