Minnesota RollerGirls - Flat-track, skater-owned roller derby league in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul

The Pirates/Zombies rumble comes in part from an idea that our RollerGirls stumbled across while touring the nation; many teams will run a full-blown Sanctioned WFTDA Bout as well as a game that gives the rest of its league a chance to strut its stuff for the fans. This bout also gave the MNRG a great chance to introduce their newest members without putting the hometeam records at risk. The teams might not have worried; many of the rookies of Minnesota’s oldest flat-track team won hearts and fans in their very first bout.

Pirate co-captain Mary Tyler Roar began her third season for the MNRG against Zombie rookie Jocelyn D’Jewels. Flora Flipabitch kept Jocelyn back long enough for Roar to sneak past Candi Pain and take possession of the first lead jam. Mary scored four points with an unorthodox assist from Tiki Torture – pushing her into Candi Pain and letting the Pirate jammer pinball off the Zombie pivot. Zombie co-captain Sparkle Ninja took the next jam against Sweet Justice, shooting through the dangerous inside of the first corner and taking advantage of a pileup on the scoring pass to grab five before calling off the jam. Dudezilla extended the lead for the Undead against Tiki Torture by one, bringing the score to 9-7 in favor of the Zombies within the first five minutes.

The refs sent both teams’ jammers to Grandma’s Kitchen in the next two minutes, activating the one of the big new rule changes from over the summer: that of the ‘Jammerless Jam’. With both Tiki and Pattywack in the box, the jammer refs grabbed hands and called off the jam as a result of no one actually able to score points on the track. This brought Rita Rawkus of the Pirates up to take on Jocelyn; Rita took the lead but both rookies blanked out as they ran into back-pack interference and the jam was called early. The score finally advanced as Mary Tyler Roar took four on her next jam for the Pirates, while the Zombies answered with a phenomenal jam for MNRG cofounder Rolls Wilder, assisted by Inspectress Gadget. The jam ended with a blindside hit through the back turn by Pirate badass Lydia Punch, but Wilder scored four, bringing the zombies ahead by two with five minutes to go. After another four on the board from Mary Tyler Roar, the half wound up with a respectable eight points from Sparkle Ninja and Dudezilla for the Zombies. At halftime, the Zombies were in the lead 15-21. Pirate jammer and co-captain Roar scored all but three points in the first half, but the Zombies held back the Pirate offense with stiff hits from Fixie Chic, Gadget, and Chinese Takeout (although all three were sent out for penalties due to illegal blocking.

Sparkle Ninja extended the Zombie lead at the start of the second half by sneaking through the pack stealing a point from Calamity Crush’s lead jam, taking three points to Crush’s two. Mary Tyler Roar then grand-slammed the pack of zombies despite formidable blocking from rookie Trinity Knox while Abbie Mischief struggled to break the pack against Coochie Coup. After a jam with strong blocking by Lydia Punch for the Pirates, MTR returned to the line and took four points against Zombie rookie L’exi-cutor. Dudezilla returned the favor, grabbing four Zombie points as Calamity Crush, the lead jammer, was called to Grandma’s Kitchen just before the Pirate called the jam. With the Pirate jammer still in the penalty box, Jocelyn D’Jewels returned to the line. It does bear reminding that an unopposed jammer is always going to be at an advantage, as her blockers have nothing to do but clear the road for her; nonetheless, Joscelyn scored four points on an impressive line through a tough Pirate pack, aided by fellow rookie L’Exi Cutor with some gorgeous offensive blocking. The next few jams brought only a few points – all Pirates – as several players crumpled and jams were called off prematurely. Of particular note was a strong hit on Lydia Punch by L’exi Cutor – the rookie already seems to be making some enemies on the track. With four minutes remaining, the Zombies were still eking out a tiny lead, 33-36.

To the line stepped MTR for the Pirates and Jocelyn for the Z’s. The Zombie jammer melted through the pack but got caught by Pirate pivot Coochie Coup, while Mary was stymied by Zombie front-girl Chinese Takeout. Coochie, however, got called to the box and Jocelyn sprang for the lead, taking four points off of a zombie whip before calling off the jam. Mary returned to the line against Zombie L’exi Cuter, but L’exi broke the pack while Roar was stopped by Rolls Wilder. L’exi – like Jocelyn – took four points and called the jam with not enough time to begin another run.

At the final whistle, the Zombies took the evening with a final score of 33-44. The first half gave us a sampling of the best of the old Roy, while the second gave us just a few hints of what the new year is going to bring us. Not only were L’exi-cuter and Jocelyn pivotal in the win, other rookies like Venus Thigh Trap, Mae Gusta, and Trinity Knox all had opportunities to show off a little hard-won summer skills. We look forward to seeing who amidst the new players steps forward next month when Disco meets Punk on the floor of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.

And hey, if you want to learn more about being a rookie of the MNRG, check out the recent City Pages article “Skate or Die,” as well as Fourth Eskate Episode #1 on MNRG recruitment and boot camp with All-Star Honeydew Felon, Head Ref Spike, and Wet Spot.

Reporting from the geographic center of Roller Derby in America today,
Garrison Killer

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Banned from schools, government buildings and public parks, Konceal'N Kari is forced by state law to confine her violence and mayhem to the flat track, where her physical skills and god-given attri...

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Season Seven begins with fifteen new faces

At an undisclosed location on Thursday, August 19th, the MNRG welcomed fifteen new players to the ranks of their home teams. Of those fifteen, five came from other leagues (the Mad Rollin' Dolls of Madison, Minneapolis' own North Star Roller Girls, and Angel City in Los Angeles), nine players new to our sport from recruitment, and one from our own team of refs. In addition, we recruited two new referees and a new announcer.

Because of the new season schedule, these fifteen rookies will have much to learn about their respective teams in a very short time. Rookies have not traditionally played for their home team before January, but this year they will play in two months on October 16th. Watch for these players, derby fans.

The Atomic Bombshells welcome to their ranks:
Hurtrude...

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Some words with Ump: the North Central Referee Clinic (August 8th)

“We’re running basically every officiating position out there.” Umpire Strikes Back tells me. Fifteen refs assembled on the Roy Wilkins auditorium floor circle two scrimmaging packs of Minnesota RollerGirl and North Star Roller Girl players. With his dyed yellow hair peeking out from a painstakingly-detailed Death Star derby helmet, Ump looks like any child’s favorite cool uncle. More importantly to us, Umpire Strikes Back (#1138) is the Minnesota RollerGirls head referee. The buck, such that it is, stops with Ump. And he does it with a bit of an infectous grin. He loves this sport.

From behind that grin, you can see a touch of fatigue. It’s Day 2 of the North Central regional clinic on a hot August day, and it’s clear that every ref here - caravaning from every corner of the...

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Referee Clinic

The Minnesota RollerGirls are excited to announce that we have been selected to host the first ever WFTDA North Central Referee Clinic on August 7th and 8th. Officials from around the country will be joining our own referee staff in a two day intensive seminar right here in St. Paul. Lead and attended by top level referees and officials, this clinic will bring everyone together in preparation for the Fall's "Big 5" regional and national tournament season.

WFTDA Referee Training Clinic Registration Site

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MNRG go 2-0 in Philly

The Minnesota RollerGirls returned to competitive play this past weekend at the East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Philadelphia, PA. The ECDX has been a major gathering point for sanctioned bouts between leagues of all skill levels over the past few years.

The Extravaganza is a time for old friends and derby wives to reconnect and close a few bars together, but the ECDX’s position in the derby calendar also makes it one of the very last stops before ranking occurs for WFTDA’s Q3 rankings. The 3rd quarter ranking (decided upon by other WFTDA skaters) decides the seeding of leagues for the four regional tournaments, so the outcomes of the ECDX bouts have a great influence on who’s in and who’s out. It’s the last chance for teams to show off before voting, in no small part due due to...

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VIP Sections Now Available

VIP Sections are now available! Are you bringing a large group of people to see the Minnesota RollerGirls? We are offering limited VIP seating at all of our bouts, starting for our October 16th bout! Packages range from $200 to $800. Please visit our online ordering form and reserve your VIP section today!

The Minnesota RollerGirls are also excited to announce new reserved seating for the 2010-2011 season! There will be additional reserved seats available on the main floor and in the balcony. They are $12 in advance/$14 day of bout for the balcony, with the extra main floor seating $13 in advance/$15 day of the bout. For any fans interested in ordering Season Tickets in these area...

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Season 7 begins now!

It's time for the Season Seven news. Let's begin with the retirements. The following players will be stepping back next season (we call it 'going Class C'):

Atomic Bombshells:
- Flora Flipabitch
- Mae Gusta
- Misfit Maiden
- Shady O'Dread

Dagger Dolls:
- Buffy the Vampire Skater
- Miss Fire
- Shiv and Let Die
- Sweet Justice

Garda Belts:
- Little Tornado
- Rolls Wilder

Rockits:
- Dudezilla

Referees:
- Rocky Whorer
- Glam Slam

But we've got a few players who will be rejoining from years past. Soylent Mean returns to her beloved Rockits, while savvy track veteran CleoSPLATra will don the orange and green for the Atomic Bombshells.

But there's more, MNRG fans! We have ...

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The Wheelies

It's Wheelies time! Every year our players, refs, and volunteers travel to an undisclosed location, crack open a PBR (and maybe sneak in a flask or two), and honor the best of our best for two hours of tears, cheers, and fairly awesome dresses. On May 1st we honored the following players:

Fan Awards:
Favorite Jammer - Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker - Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie - Killaman Jaro
The Lappy - Vuedoo Prodigy

League Awards:
Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl - Vuedoo Prodigy
Rookie of the Year - Killaman Jaro
Head Trauma (MNRG founder) Legacy Award - Rumblebee
Most Improved - Cassie Rolle
Hardest Hitter - Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon - L'exi-cuter
Best Attitude - Mitzi Massacre and Citizen Pain (tie)
Purple Heart - B...

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Atomic Bombshells go hot for the championship, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells defeated the Rockits in a thriller of a game - a Rockitbuster, if you will - on April 3rd at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The Bombshells played their strategy to their utmost, summoning every resource they could muster to send their jammer to the front. And though it seemed as if penalties in the pack might end their hopes to hold the Golden Skate high, the Bombshells emerged triumphant.

Harmony Killerbruise took the first lead for the Rockits, but Bombshell jammer Venus Thightrap forced her to call the jam by bypassing on the sprint to the back of the pack. L'exi-cuter, recharged from last month's break, found a way around Rockit blocker Scarmen Hellectra up front (who went to the box off an illegal hit), took the lead, and charged ahead for the f...

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Gardas outplay Dolls for 3rd, 74-45

The MNRG Garda Belts took the game to the Dagger Dolls on April 3rd in a third-place bout that was rarely in doubt. The Gardas has long had a strong presence in the pack, but the surprise in this bout was the coming-out party for Cassie Rolle and the resurgence of Angelfire as a jammer after years of injury and rehab. With both sides of the Garda machine going, the women in green took the lead more than 75% of the time. The Dolls had their surges of excellence, but the Gardas took the day.

The Garda Belts stole an early march from the opening whistle. Garda co-captain Suzie Smashbox took the first lead after being denied by Doll blocker Shiver Me Kimbers. She recovered and returned to slash past Kimbers and Buffy the Vampire Skater. Garda blocker Tiki Torture delayed Killamon J...

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Bombs away! (recaplet)

Bombshells take the Title, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells skated their way to MNRG history on April 3rd, defeating the two-time defending champion Rockits and finishing the home season undefeated. The Bombshells started well, scoring eleven unanswered points in the first four jams. At the halfway mark, the Rockits had at last started to get their line-grinding defense to start sending opponents to the box and getting points on the board, but the Bombshells still outscored them. 19-7 Bombshells with ten to go.

The scoring tide came in for the Rockits the very next jam as Vuedoo Prodigy busted free for the Rockits and scored fourteen points on a power jam (and changing the lead) as Venus Thightrap languished in the box. Harmony Killerbruise, then Scarmen Hellectra followed up for anoth...

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