Minnesota RollerGirls - Flat-track, skater-owned roller derby league in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul

New season of home teams. Four teams. Five games. Seven thousand sports cliches. One Golden Skate.

The sane and the brief would take a look at the MNRG All-Star roster and simply ask for the Rockits to play the Garda Belts so we can get this over with. You can make a strong case that the teams are the most likely to reach the finals in April.

But you know...that's just a lot of nay-sayery, to quote the immortal David Sedaris (#3 on the NPR list of people to riff off the name of if Garrison Killer ever gets pulled from me for some reason - I'll let you work out #1 and #2)

But let's show the work for the case anyway. It's my party. The core of the MNRG All-Stars have been Garda Belts and Rockits this season. With Stella and Roxanne receding from sight, the Dagger Dolls had exactly two players since Regionals put on skates against some really outstanding teams in WFTDA bouts, Candi Pain and rookie breakout Wonderbroad. The Bombshells have also been loosely represented, although it's clear that Misfit Maiden is a very, very serious part of the MNRG blocking staff (Cleo and Mitzi have also been showing their work, of course). But when you see enough Rockits to almost make a full team out there with enough Green to have a good showing at the Saint Patty's day parade, it means that the Red and the Green are getting some unique experience out there. And many of those same women are the new captains of their units. Dudezilla and Harmony? Captains of the Rockits. Suzie and Citi? The same for the Belts. And that's not even counting the depth of experience in both of their rosters.

And yet. And yet. Mitzi and Misfit - new captains of the Bombshells - are also all-stars; both women had parts to play in the all-star season, not exactly warmers of the bench. And the Dolls may no longer have a strong presence in the All-Stars (for which talent is only one of the qualifications for - another is ability to be available to spend weekends away from the Cities), but there's a lot of veteran talent there.

Let's look at the matches.

First of all, we'll see the Grudge Match post-championship. The new Rockits - outfits et al - are almost exactly the same unit that last left the Roy in April. They've got one new rookie (last year they had none). Harmony, Dude, JB, Scarmen, 25 to Life, 808 (how do you like Kanye's album, Killahertz?), LXIX, Frau, Abbie...geez, they've all been playing with another all summer. Add back in Gretzky, Rizzo, Coochie, Mean, and the rest, and you've got a hard team to beat.

Harmony and JB were both playing around with new ways to start as a jammer during regionals and the KillBilly game. Watch for them to be trying these out to get a pop from the crowd. It's hard to read a home bout; there's the aspect of the game where players want to win, but there's also the question of keeping the crowd happy. I think easy money says that the closer the game, the more we'll be seeing lines filled with all-star vets, past and present. Coochie did a bang-up job during the first two exhibition bouts; I'd be surprised to not see her rotating regularly as a pivot. Also Frau, who continued to impress during the fall as a blocker and pivot. It'd be nice to Soylent jamming this year.

The Dolls - yes - have their work cut out for them. Of all of the teams, they probably have the biggest mountain to climb to arrive back at the finals. They play the champions twice this year, and - to the fans - they're probably the biggest mystery. Kim Jong Kill, Stella, Roxanne, and Scootaloo have not played at all during the first two bouts. That's three of the Doll jammers that are nowhere to be seen and a damn good specialty blocker.

Now...that doesn't mean we won't be seeing them, but that's four known quantities that are MIA. On the other hand, we _have_ seen Sparkle Ninja and Mary Tyler Roar kick some ass as jammers. No, let me correct that. MTR and the Sparkly One were all over the track in the first two bouts. Ninja had some great play, and Mary is definitely entering into marquee player-land for the Dolls.

Fact is, we're starting to depend on inspired play from many of the individual Dolls - Fixie Chic, Sweet Justice, Lydia, and Norah all come to mind from my narrated tape of the second bout; it remains to be seen how cohesive a unit they are this year. I have to say...they were damn fun to watch last year. Candi and Barbie seem to run a good ship with the Dolls; I just hope that they have enough quality jammers coming to the line this year, because I expect this bout to be won and lost by the skill of the jammers to make it through the pack without falling afoul of WFTDA 3.1 rules. We saw the All-Star contingent playing tricks on Arkansas by dinking them out into track-cutting trouble; it's absurd to think that a properly-motivated Rockit blocking pack (again, full of vets) won't test the Dagger Dolls' jammers by putting them into similar situations. This is perhaps one of the great problems of having a competent ref staff; if Spike and co want to, they come down like a hammer on penalties. Honestly, it might be a better idea to start now rather than save it for the championship bout where they will likely be pulling no punches.

Hey, look at that. It's getting late. Just like old times, I'll wait with the second rundown (ABS v Garda Belts) until later. But in short, the Rockits have all of the edges on paper. The Dolls have the staff to surprise; hope they do, because a march on the Rockits this early in the season is going to do them good when they return to this bout in a few months.

And for yet another year, the Dolls have a passel of new players.

-Garrison Killer, MNRG sidelines reporter

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Referee Clinic

The Minnesota RollerGirls are excited to announce that we have been selected to host the first ever WFTDA North Central Referee Clinic on August 7th and 8th.

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Referee Clinic

The Minnesota RollerGirls are excited to announce that we have been selected to host the first ever WFTDA North Central Referee Clinic on August 7th and 8th. Officials from around the country will be joining our own referee staff in a two day intensive seminar right here in St. Paul. Lead and attended by top level referees and officials, this clinic will bring everyone together in preparation for the Fall's "Big 5" regional and national tournament season.

WFTDA Referee Training Clinic Registration Site

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MNRG go 2-0 in Philly

The Minnesota RollerGirls returned to competitive play this past weekend at the East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Philadelphia, PA. The ECDX has been a major gathering point for sanctioned bouts between leagues of all skill levels over the past few years.

The Extravaganza is a time for old friends and derby wives to reconnect and close a few bars together, but the ECDX’s position in the derby calendar also makes it one of the very last stops before ranking occurs for WFTDA’s Q3 rankings. The 3rd quarter ranking (decided upon by other WFTDA skaters) decides the seeding of leagues for the four regional tournaments, so the outcomes of the ECDX bouts have a great influence on who’s in and who’s out. It’s the last chance for teams to show off before voting, in no small part due due to...

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VIP Sections Now Available

VIP Sections are now available! Are you bringing a large group of people to see the Minnesota RollerGirls? We are offering limited VIP seating at all of our bouts, starting for our October 16th bout! Packages range from $200 to $800. Please visit our online ordering form and reserve your VIP section today!

The Minnesota RollerGirls are also excited to announce new reserved seating for the 2010-2011 season! There will be additional reserved seats available on the main floor and in the balcony. They are $12 in advance/$14 day of bout for the balcony, with the extra main floor seating $13 in advance/$15 day of the bout. For any fans interested in ordering Season Tickets in these area...

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Season 7 begins now!

It's time for the Season Seven news. Let's begin with the retirements. The following players will be stepping back next season (we call it 'going Class C'):

Atomic Bombshells:
- Flora Flipabitch
- Mae Gusta
- Misfit Maiden
- Shady O'Dread

Dagger Dolls:
- Buffy the Vampire Skater
- Miss Fire
- Shiv and Let Die
- Sweet Justice

Garda Belts:
- Little Tornado
- Rolls Wilder

Rockits:
- Dudezilla

Referees:
- Rocky Whorer
- Glam Slam

But we've got a few players who will be rejoining from years past. Soylent Mean returns to her beloved Rockits, while savvy track veteran CleoSPLATra will don the orange and green for the Atomic Bombshells.

But there's more, MNRG fans! We have ...

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The Wheelies

It's Wheelies time! Every year our players, refs, and volunteers travel to an undisclosed location, crack open a PBR (and maybe sneak in a flask or two), and honor the best of our best for two hours of tears, cheers, and fairly awesome dresses. On May 1st we honored the following players:

Fan Awards:
Favorite Jammer - Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker - Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie - Killaman Jaro
The Lappy - Vuedoo Prodigy

League Awards:
Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl - Vuedoo Prodigy
Rookie of the Year - Killaman Jaro
Head Trauma (MNRG founder) Legacy Award - Rumblebee
Most Improved - Cassie Rolle
Hardest Hitter - Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon - L'exi-cuter
Best Attitude - Mitzi Massacre and Citizen Pain (tie)
Purple Heart - B...

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Atomic Bombshells go hot for the championship, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells defeated the Rockits in a thriller of a game - a Rockitbuster, if you will - on April 3rd at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The Bombshells played their strategy to their utmost, summoning every resource they could muster to send their jammer to the front. And though it seemed as if penalties in the pack might end their hopes to hold the Golden Skate high, the Bombshells emerged triumphant.

Harmony Killerbruise took the first lead for the Rockits, but Bombshell jammer Venus Thightrap forced her to call the jam by bypassing on the sprint to the back of the pack. L'exi-cuter, recharged from last month's break, found a way around Rockit blocker Scarmen Hellectra up front (who went to the box off an illegal hit), took the lead, and charged ahead for the f...

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Gardas outplay Dolls for 3rd, 74-45

The MNRG Garda Belts took the game to the Dagger Dolls on April 3rd in a third-place bout that was rarely in doubt. The Gardas has long had a strong presence in the pack, but the surprise in this bout was the coming-out party for Cassie Rolle and the resurgence of Angelfire as a jammer after years of injury and rehab. With both sides of the Garda machine going, the women in green took the lead more than 75% of the time. The Dolls had their surges of excellence, but the Gardas took the day.

The Garda Belts stole an early march from the opening whistle. Garda co-captain Suzie Smashbox took the first lead after being denied by Doll blocker Shiver Me Kimbers. She recovered and returned to slash past Kimbers and Buffy the Vampire Skater. Garda blocker Tiki Torture delayed Killamon J...

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Bombs away! (recaplet)

Bombshells take the Title, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells skated their way to MNRG history on April 3rd, defeating the two-time defending champion Rockits and finishing the home season undefeated. The Bombshells started well, scoring eleven unanswered points in the first four jams. At the halfway mark, the Rockits had at last started to get their line-grinding defense to start sending opponents to the box and getting points on the board, but the Bombshells still outscored them. 19-7 Bombshells with ten to go.

The scoring tide came in for the Rockits the very next jam as Vuedoo Prodigy busted free for the Rockits and scored fourteen points on a power jam (and changing the lead) as Venus Thightrap languished in the box. Harmony Killerbruise, then Scarmen Hellectra followed up for anoth...

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Gardas finish third (recaplet)

In this 3rd-place bout, the Gardas took the lead and never looked back. Garda Belt jammers took the first seven jams, led by captain and jammer Suzie Smashbox (who went a mind-blowing 12-for-13 lead jams in the bout). At the ten-minute mark, the Gardas were up 24-3.

Sparkle Ninja took the first of three lead jams for the Dagger Dolls in the half, but it was Psycho Novia and Buffy the Vampire Skater (scoring fourteen unanswered points over two jams) that kept the Dollys from falling further behind. Otherwise, the Garda defense dominated the track, led by no less than six veteran Gardas stopping Dollys from advancing on every turn. 43-21 Gardas at the half.

The Gardas widened the gap at the start of the second half, scoring eleven unanswered points in its first eight minutes, though...

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Preview for Hometeam Championship 2010 (part 2)

We explored the ins and outs of the April 3rd MNRG season championship in the previous article. Now our attention turns to the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls, who will fight it out for third place.

In 2009, I wrote that the Dagger Dolls were in the midst of a pregnant pause. That pause has now lengthened into a multi-year slump that has puzzled players, refs, and fans alike. Candi Pain and Sweet Justice, co-captains of the Dollys, selected fast, eager jammers to fill the holes left by a swath of last year's retirees and blockers that have already proven themselves to cause some panic in the pack. The Dolls have had fresh injections of strong, fast talent each year...but they have not yet been able to focus that energy into the team at large on bout nights. They have lost their ...

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