Minnesota RollerGirls - Flat-track, skater-owned roller derby league in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul

A lot of new blood in the Dolls. This isn't exactly a surprise; the Dolls have welcomed some great players into the fold in the last two years, and the new crop...well, I guess we'll see. The first looks are promising.

But let me get to the Garda Belt/Atomic Bombshell game. If the first game looks like a foregone conclusion on paper (and it shouldn't, but it'll just make the win that much sweeter if the Dolls pull it off), the second bout is just a mess. But it's a glorious mess. Follow along.

- Suzie Smashbox. MNRG Derby Sensation, co-captain of the Garda Belts, co-MVP, our own Joanie Weston, the golden girl who will drink you under the table. You cannot beat the Garda Belts without finding ways to keep Ms Stutter-step from triple-slamming you. Last year, I wrote that Suzie was mostly a jammer threat - I think it's plain that she can do more than put points on the board, but it's a waste to do so. What's the answer to her in this game? Simply put, I have to say that the Bombshells have to slow her down on the initial pass. Whether that's with Dolly Blocks in the back or just a simple wedge keeping her on the inside where acceleration is difficult without nipping the inside line, that's going to be a tall order for the young ABS team.

- Other Garda Belt jammers. Ok, here's where this bout starts to be anything but a foregone conclusion. Angelfire is out for most of the season; she'll be bench-coaching. Of our Garda vets, that leaves Demora Liza, Hanna Belle Lector, and Rumblebee (without grabbing my bout archived recordings, that's who I remember well). All three have jamming greatness to them, but all three also are extremely competent blockers and pivots. Both HBL and Liza were blocker threats in regionals, and in particular Liza seemed to come alive in the front. This could be a great time for Liza to solidify that role, and for other players to step up as new jammers. But that's a big, fat unknown. And that's a hard thing to plot against. It's probable that the ABS knows who's going to be sent to the line after practicing against them for months, but setting up lines to deal with the unknown in advance is a mug's game.

- Which brings us to Garda Belt blocking. When I first joined on as sideline reporter, I asked one of the players what they like to do for training for their infamous hard hits. I was asked if I had ever seen Fight Club, and I stopped that train of thought immediately. Garda fans live and die on their girls' blocking. Their jammers don't get through by simply being fast. Players go flying when Optimiss, Citizen Pain, Inspectress, and Tiki get going.

- Garda Belt penalties. But...the hard hits come with a huge price; time after time in the fourth season, the Garda Belts crumbled in the end off of huge trips to the penalty box. If the Gardas want a shot at the Skate (and - sweet heavens - everyone's been whispering, "It's the Garda Belts' year!!!!?!"), they're going to need to rein in the penalties. Penalties create holes. Holes become opportunities for jammers to spin by a pack with a nod and a grin. You simply cannot defend a pack for long when you have one or two women cooling their blistered heels in the box. And jammer majors are even worse; that means no points for a minute. In a forty minute bout, the jammer doesn't have the luxury of being able to spend seventy seconds out of play at a time, particularly since teams have taken to stranding weaker jammers in the box by calling off the jam just before their penalty expires. That means no new jammer goes to the line, and the tired jammer must jam again. It's a hell of a thing to do, but you will see that this year. You'll probably see that in this bout.

- Atomic Bombshells v3.0. So much has changed. I have a hard time imagining the ABS without the Bonesetter, Lizzy, Marilyn, Bonnie, and Buffy...but that's what's before us. Mitzi Massacre and Misfit took on the challenge of building a brand new team. LOTS of rookies. Word is, they got several of the top picks in the rookie draft. There's no end to the players that I was impressed by in the exhibition bouts. L'Exi-cuter, Tara, and Jocelyn did their new teams especially proud in key moments of the fall bouts. So we've got a lot to look forward to, but I wonder how well they'll do in this initial bout. I also wonder how much we'll see of them, and how much the new captains will depend on their veterans.

- ABS jammers. Yeah. Think about that. Mitzi and Misfit can both jam; I'll be a little surprised if they don't take double duty, jamming and blocking. Of the last year's ABS rotation, CleoSPLATra is the last remaining jammer. She can put good points on the board, especially if she gets protection. But that's going to be the trick in this match; protection is the last thing that any jammer is going to get, orange or green. Oh, and take a moment to note Venus Thigh Trap's face as she whizzes by, hopefully as a jammer. If she looks familiar, it's because she skated under the name "Sugar Cain" (#Gen 4:8) last year.

- And when it comes to blocking, the ABS has lost several of its most noticable defensive staff. Marilyn is out. Bonnie is out (for now). Bonesetter went west. WHAT THE HELL? But don't write them off! Misfit Maiden is the match for many a fine MNRG player, Flora Flipabitch has returned, rookie of the year CTO is back for her second season playing forward blocker, and all-around Mean Girl Eve L Hazard is wearing radioactive '#U-235' again for the ABS. The list goes on; 7 0f 9, Crush, and Bad Dream. This is one hell of a blocking staff, even without some of the well-known names of the past.

This is going to be a hard-fought, defensive match. The ABS simply must keep Smashbox out of scoring position and get their new jammers through the pack. The Garda Belts have to be able to stay out of foul trouble and be aware of the entire track instead of just their immediate opponents.

I want to say that this will be a game where the cooler-headed team is going to win it all; that's what seemed to be a key to the last game. But this - like the Rockit/DD game - will be repeated later in the season. The time for cooler heads may be then. This may be the time for Derby passion to bust loose and conquer all foes. One team with great expectations for the coming season, the other with new players ready to take on the world.

The Rockits/Dagger Dolls is going to be a great game. The ABS/GB bout could well set the Roy on fire.

-Garrison Killer, MNRG sidelines reporter

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Hanna Belle Lector

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Referee Clinic

The Minnesota RollerGirls are excited to announce that we have been selected to host the first ever WFTDA North Central Referee Clinic on August 7th and 8th.

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Referee Clinic

The Minnesota RollerGirls are excited to announce that we have been selected to host the first ever WFTDA North Central Referee Clinic on August 7th and 8th. Officials from around the country will be joining our own referee staff in a two day intensive seminar right here in St. Paul. Lead and attended by top level referees and officials, this clinic will bring everyone together in preparation for the Fall's "Big 5" regional and national tournament season.

WFTDA Referee Training Clinic Registration Site

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MNRG go 2-0 in Philly

The Minnesota RollerGirls returned to competitive play this past weekend at the East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Philadelphia, PA. The ECDX has been a major gathering point for sanctioned bouts between leagues of all skill levels over the past few years.

The Extravaganza is a time for old friends and derby wives to reconnect and close a few bars together, but the ECDX’s position in the derby calendar also makes it one of the very last stops before ranking occurs for WFTDA’s Q3 rankings. The 3rd quarter ranking (decided upon by other WFTDA skaters) decides the seeding of leagues for the four regional tournaments, so the outcomes of the ECDX bouts have a great influence on who’s in and who’s out. It’s the last chance for teams to show off before voting, in no small part due due to...

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VIP Sections Now Available

VIP Sections are now available! Are you bringing a large group of people to see the Minnesota RollerGirls? We are offering limited VIP seating at all of our bouts, starting for our October 16th bout! Packages range from $200 to $800. Please visit our online ordering form and reserve your VIP section today!

The Minnesota RollerGirls are also excited to announce new reserved seating for the 2010-2011 season! There will be additional reserved seats available on the main floor and in the balcony. They are $12 in advance/$14 day of bout for the balcony, with the extra main floor seating $13 in advance/$15 day of the bout. For any fans interested in ordering Season Tickets in these area...

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Season 7 begins now!

It's time for the Season Seven news. Let's begin with the retirements. The following players will be stepping back next season (we call it 'going Class C'):

Atomic Bombshells:
- Flora Flipabitch
- Mae Gusta
- Misfit Maiden
- Shady O'Dread

Dagger Dolls:
- Buffy the Vampire Skater
- Miss Fire
- Shiv and Let Die
- Sweet Justice

Garda Belts:
- Little Tornado
- Rolls Wilder

Rockits:
- Dudezilla

Referees:
- Rocky Whorer
- Glam Slam

But we've got a few players who will be rejoining from years past. Soylent Mean returns to her beloved Rockits, while savvy track veteran CleoSPLATra will don the orange and green for the Atomic Bombshells.

But there's more, MNRG fans! We have ...

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The Wheelies

It's Wheelies time! Every year our players, refs, and volunteers travel to an undisclosed location, crack open a PBR (and maybe sneak in a flask or two), and honor the best of our best for two hours of tears, cheers, and fairly awesome dresses. On May 1st we honored the following players:

Fan Awards:
Favorite Jammer - Suzie Smashbox
Favorite Pivot/Blocker - Vuedoo Prodigy
Favorite Rookie - Killaman Jaro
The Lappy - Vuedoo Prodigy

League Awards:
Most Valuable Minnesota RollerGirl - Vuedoo Prodigy
Rookie of the Year - Killaman Jaro
Head Trauma (MNRG founder) Legacy Award - Rumblebee
Most Improved - Cassie Rolle
Hardest Hitter - Vuedoo Prodigy
Speed Demon - L'exi-cuter
Best Attitude - Mitzi Massacre and Citizen Pain (tie)
Purple Heart - B...

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Atomic Bombshells go hot for the championship, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells defeated the Rockits in a thriller of a game - a Rockitbuster, if you will - on April 3rd at the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium. The Bombshells played their strategy to their utmost, summoning every resource they could muster to send their jammer to the front. And though it seemed as if penalties in the pack might end their hopes to hold the Golden Skate high, the Bombshells emerged triumphant.

Harmony Killerbruise took the first lead for the Rockits, but Bombshell jammer Venus Thightrap forced her to call the jam by bypassing on the sprint to the back of the pack. L'exi-cuter, recharged from last month's break, found a way around Rockit blocker Scarmen Hellectra up front (who went to the box off an illegal hit), took the lead, and charged ahead for the f...

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Gardas outplay Dolls for 3rd, 74-45

The MNRG Garda Belts took the game to the Dagger Dolls on April 3rd in a third-place bout that was rarely in doubt. The Gardas has long had a strong presence in the pack, but the surprise in this bout was the coming-out party for Cassie Rolle and the resurgence of Angelfire as a jammer after years of injury and rehab. With both sides of the Garda machine going, the women in green took the lead more than 75% of the time. The Dolls had their surges of excellence, but the Gardas took the day.

The Garda Belts stole an early march from the opening whistle. Garda co-captain Suzie Smashbox took the first lead after being denied by Doll blocker Shiver Me Kimbers. She recovered and returned to slash past Kimbers and Buffy the Vampire Skater. Garda blocker Tiki Torture delayed Killamon J...

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Bombs away! (recaplet)

Bombshells take the Title, 78-58

The Atomic Bombshells skated their way to MNRG history on April 3rd, defeating the two-time defending champion Rockits and finishing the home season undefeated. The Bombshells started well, scoring eleven unanswered points in the first four jams. At the halfway mark, the Rockits had at last started to get their line-grinding defense to start sending opponents to the box and getting points on the board, but the Bombshells still outscored them. 19-7 Bombshells with ten to go.

The scoring tide came in for the Rockits the very next jam as Vuedoo Prodigy busted free for the Rockits and scored fourteen points on a power jam (and changing the lead) as Venus Thightrap languished in the box. Harmony Killerbruise, then Scarmen Hellectra followed up for anoth...

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Gardas finish third (recaplet)

In this 3rd-place bout, the Gardas took the lead and never looked back. Garda Belt jammers took the first seven jams, led by captain and jammer Suzie Smashbox (who went a mind-blowing 12-for-13 lead jams in the bout). At the ten-minute mark, the Gardas were up 24-3.

Sparkle Ninja took the first of three lead jams for the Dagger Dolls in the half, but it was Psycho Novia and Buffy the Vampire Skater (scoring fourteen unanswered points over two jams) that kept the Dollys from falling further behind. Otherwise, the Garda defense dominated the track, led by no less than six veteran Gardas stopping Dollys from advancing on every turn. 43-21 Gardas at the half.

The Gardas widened the gap at the start of the second half, scoring eleven unanswered points in its first eight minutes, though...

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Preview for Hometeam Championship 2010 (part 2)

We explored the ins and outs of the April 3rd MNRG season championship in the previous article. Now our attention turns to the Garda Belts and the Dagger Dolls, who will fight it out for third place.

In 2009, I wrote that the Dagger Dolls were in the midst of a pregnant pause. That pause has now lengthened into a multi-year slump that has puzzled players, refs, and fans alike. Candi Pain and Sweet Justice, co-captains of the Dollys, selected fast, eager jammers to fill the holes left by a swath of last year's retirees and blockers that have already proven themselves to cause some panic in the pack. The Dolls have had fresh injections of strong, fast talent each year...but they have not yet been able to focus that energy into the team at large on bout nights. They have lost their ...

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