Minnesota RollerGirls - Flat-track, skater-owned roller derby league in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis/St. Paul

December in Minnesota. The weather is bitterly cold, the music is disturbingly festive, and your Minnesota RollerGirls are preparing for the home season. But before the Roy can be decked with red, green, pink, and orange, we have one last holiday treat for you. This Saturday, the Minnesota All-Stars have invited the fightin' Roller Dollz of Sioux Falls to challenge us on our home track. And while the women in blue take on the Dakotans, our final league mixer of the season brings one last battle of good versus evil. Yes, titans will tussle as the Superheroes take on the Supervillains! Keep reading, true believer, for all the details...

The Sioux Falls Rollerdollz are no young, fresh league with no idea what they're getting into. Members of the Dollz have been attending MNRG bouts since 2006 - in fact, you've probably sat next to them on the sidelines. Sioux Falls currently rolls with about twenty active players, so there's no four-team home season for them. Instead, the Rollerdollz play against road teams like our Minnesota All-Stars or our recent rivals, the Hammer City Eh! Team. In terms of WFTDA ranking, the Dollz are 14th in the North Central region (the MNRG are 9th). That ranking may not stand for much longer; Sioux Falls just handily defeated the Naptown RollerGirls (ranked 12th) in October, 96-59.

The Rollerdollz are fully cognizant of modern derby tactics; they can change up speed, they understand the 20-foot rule, they even wall up. Most intriguing is that the Rollerdollz seem to do a lot of jammer/pack coordination. Many packs like to attack the opposing jammer; the Dollz seem to depend on their jammers' - particularly speedster Queen Elizabitch - speed to the front and therefore run heavy interference. Now, that can work really well; if their jammers can beat their opponents, they'll take small drops of points over big blowout jams. Most of their jammers seem to have some track presence as well; they call off jams just as their opponents re-engage.

Who will your MNRG All-Stars be putting up against Sioux Falls? You'll see a little change-up to the roster for this bout; four players are being added. Scarmen Hellectra, Coochie Coup, Citizen Pain, and Jax Kvaas will be sitting this one out. In their place? Co-captain Mitzi Massacre returns, as does Abbie Mischief and Killahertz. Of special note is Tara Skatesov of the Atomic Bombshells, making her All-Star debut. (see the bottom of the article for full lineups.)

Here's what you want to watch for:
- The MNRG speedsters on fire. If Sioux Falls likes racing, they'll get to go up against some of our best. Suzie Smashbox, Harmony Killerbruise, Psycho Novia, and Lexi Cuter all had double-digit games against Hammer City. Harmony alone scored sixty-three.
- Rapid jams. The MNRG All-Stars like to play at a quick pace; grab the lead, score some points, call off the jam. We played 59 jams against Hammer City in an hour. That's maybe forty seconds a jam when you factor in the reset between each jam. Our players are moving in and out FAST.
- Pairing up. If you haven't yet watched closely, start looking for our pack to make roving walls that either hold back opponents or pinch jammers and blockers to the sides, cracking the opposing pack with delay tactics. In the sport of roller derby, a two-or-three person wall in formation can cause far more chaos than three single players.
- Jammers a-go-go. Of the fourteen we are putting forward, only one - MNRG bouncer Diamond Rough - has not jammed in a public bout. The team that Coach Dantigravity has chosen is heavy in jammer experience, so expect to see a wide array of players wearing the star.

This should be fun, folks. Sioux Falls has been scouting us for three years now, and we're the most-highly ranked team that they've played since joining WFTDA. They lost a squeaker against the Ohio Roller Girls (ranked 11th in the North Central); we're in their sights. Come and see what they've got for us.

To round out the All-Star bout, we'll also be having one last league mixer. Odd though it may sound, the Forces of Evil have a 4-0 record against the Forces of Good over the past two years of mixers, and we've got another fun one coming. Can the Supervillains make it five? You'll have to be there - complete with 'GOOD IS DUMB' signs - and find out. Last month's mixer was a great match; the initial rookie jitters (and multiple foul problems) of October's bout was replaced with some great roller derby.

In addition to seeing our newest crop of rookies in action, fans get a chance to see some intrateam matchups. Unless you travel to some of our exhibitions against starting leagues, you just don't get a chance to see these rivalries in the normal season. Here's a few that jump to the eye:
- Dagger Dolls: Candi Pain and Sweet Justice v Barbie Brawl and Sinaminn
- Atomic Bombshells: 2009 favorite rookie Jocelyn D'Jewels v wily veteran Hell N Ready
- Rockits: vet jammer Trixie Whipsum v the remarkable Pain Gretzky
- Garda Belts: Optimiss Crime v Lola Blackenblue

What else do you need to know? Free t-shirts to the early arrivals (get there early!), the ever-fantastic E.L.nO. playing us through halftime, and the Station 4 afterparty. Doors open at 6:30pm or shortly before. Bouts begin at 7:30pm. And need I remind you...SUPERHEROES ON SKATES. Nuff said?

Excelsior,
-Garrison Killer

Sioux Falls Rollerdollz
C - Pain Maker
A - Betsy Wrecksie
Applicious
Dazzer
Dusty Bibles
Fully OZomatic
Hollicidal Maniac
Julia Wild
Lady Biohazard
Lilly KillKill
Ltl Wicked
N. Nita Meds
Queen Elizabitch
Red Thunder

Minnesota RollerGirls All-Stars
C - Suzie Smashbox
A - Mitzi Massacre
Abbie Mischief
Diamond Rough
Harmony Killerbruise
Honeydew Felon
Killahertz
Lexi Cuter
Misfit Maiden
Psycho Novia
Tara Skatesov
Tiki Torture
Venus Thightrap
Vuedoo Prodigy

Superheroes
Buffy the Vampire Skater #20
Candi Pain #666
DamnzelSly #46
DieAnne Isis #49
Double D. Fense #38
Gogo Galore #14
Ice Pack #45
Jocelyn D' Jewels #88
Killaman Jaro #9
Lola Blackenblue #32
Lydia Punch #789
MeshugEnough #54
Norwegian Mafia #24
Ova Achieva #711
Punish-mint Patty #100
Rollercat #17
Shiver Me Kimbers #667
Supersonik! #7of9
Sweet Justice #i4ni
Trixie Whipsum #6
Wonderbroad #36C

Super Villains
AliSin Chains #286
Barbie Brawl #007
BOOMbay Safire #976
Cookies 'n Scream #525
Chinese Take Out #1.00
Flora Flipabitch #4
Hell N Ready #II
Konceal'N Kari #945
Little Tornado #511
Norah Torious #76
Optimiss Crime #0110
Pain Gretzky #1337
Patently Offensive #281
Shiv & Let Die #67
Sinaminn #977
Shady O'Dread #47
Skullateral Damage #74
Stacy Wreckt #240
Trinity Knox #8
Wanda Wreckonwith #80

Featured Event

This incredibly popular and fun event is back for a third year! The day will include over 2 hours of roller derby drills, games, and fun led by your favorite Minnesota RollerGirls. No previous skating experience required! Open to ages 4-20; guardian must be present and safety gear (helmet, wrist guards, knee & elbow pads) ...

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Featured Skater

Soylent Mean

Soylent Mean attributes her food industry business acumen to her steady diet of snips, snails, puppy dog tails, and the ground-up remains of the other teams' jammers.

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B2TV Streaming

Unable to attend the upcoming Minnesota RollerGirls events in person? You don't have to miss out on the action - all of this year's bouts will have high-quality live streaming courtesy of B2TV.

Events will be available for purchase ten minutes prior to the action beginning.

Live MNRG Derby

News

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MNRG Hometeam Bout 3 Preview

Before we start talking about these matches, a quick update from our ticket folks. Our non-Xcel/Roy/Ticketmaster outlets sold out as of Monday, but there are still plenty of tickets. However, if you know that you're coming a little later for this bout, why not pick them up this week at the Roy Box Office (open 10-6pm) or through Ticketmaster?

If you have tickets already, come early and get in line. While it's great that there are no bad seats in Minnesota's own House of Derby, the bout is going to be packed and that usual seat that you love might not be available if you don't show up a bit ahead of time.

Also, we are very pleased to announce a change in next year's schedule. We will be flipping the calendar so that the home teams will begin in October and the season championship ...

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MNRG Finals outlook 2010: by the numbers

Two bouts remain in the Minnesota RollerGirls season. The results from March's bout will determine who will compete to raise the coveted Golden Skate (currently held by back-to-back winners, the Rockits) and who will play for third. Right now, no team has confirmed their berth in the season championships...though two teams definitely have the edge right now.

For those unaware, the MNRG send the top two teams forward to the finals. In the case of a tie in W-L, the team with the top overall point differential (points scored on opponents - points allowed) gets the spot. Looking only at the numbers - the win-loss record and the points, not the personalities or the relative strengths of the teams - this is what your MNRG home teams must do to secure a spot at the jammer line for April...

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Rockits take Gardas 118-35

Sweet mercy, we sold out! Thank you to all of the fans who joined us for Saturday's bout; we scanned 4723 tickets...but considering all of the children that come to our bouts that go unticketed, Roy staff, and MNRG volunteers, it's very likely that the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium played host to 5,000 women, men, and children!

The extent to which this matchup was anticipated could not be underestimated. With the Gardas a game ahead of the Rockits at the start of the bout, the Gardas had an opportunity to shut the Rockits out of the season championship for the first time since the women in red rose from the ashes of the first season's Silver Bullets. Couple that with their sixty-point defeat at the hands of the Rockits in the last season championship, and you really have all of...

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Atomic Bombshells defeat Dagger Dolls, 63-38

Sweet mercy, we sold out! Thank you to all of the fans who joined us for Saturday's bout; we scanned 4723 tickets...but considering all of the children that come to our bouts that go unticketed, Roy staff, and MNRG volunteers, it's very likely that the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium played host to 5,000 women, men, and children!

The Atomic Bombshells entered this match with a 1-0 record; having narrowly defeated the Rockits in January, the Bombshells were looking for another win to firm up their championship berth in April. The Dolls were a game behind after a nine-point defeat by the Garda Belts and needed this win to reasonably seek the berth. With a three-game season before the finals, every point in every game counted...particularly in a season as close as this one.

The D...

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Saturday night turnout

We'd like to thank our fans for the HUGE turnout on Saturday night. We've never had to turn people away at the door before and that's both an exciting and sad moment for us. Exciting because we're happy and honored so many wanted to come out. Sad because we'd never want to have to turn people away. We hope that if you didn't make it in on Saturday, you'll come back March 6 for our next bout.

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Season 6, Bout 2 preview

On Saturday, diehard Minnesota RollerGirls fans and newcomers alike will rush the doors of the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium to watch the next step in the evolution of derby in the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

Our first home bout rocked the derby world as the Rockits - reigning two-time champions - were laid low by the Atomic Bombshells. The Rockits must now win Saturday's bout - a repeat match of last year's season championship against the Garda Belts - to control their destiny. The Dagger Dolls are in a similar fix; their seven-point loss to the Gardas in January means that they must win against a transformed Bombshell team to have a strong chance to acquire the Golden Skate. We'll talk more on the win-loss situation in a moment, but let's look at Saturday's games.

The Atomic Bombsh...

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Garda Belts beat back Dolly assault, 59-50

Last year's bottom-ranked Dagger Dolls took on the Garda Belts, (2009 runners-up), for this first bout of the new home season. There was expectation that this would be a high-scoring game as a bevy of Dolly speedsters took on Suzie Smashbox. It really was anything but that. Although the teams had less than five practices before this bout as the Dolls and as the Gardas, the close scores and the heavy reliance on delaying the jammer instead of knocking her out denoted a bout fought between two strong packs instead of a battle of star-wearing skaters.

After months of playing with one another on the MNRG All-Stars, Dolly #109 (Psycho Novia) skated next to her opponent Suzie Smashbox and took her stance at the jammer line. The jammers threw themselves forward, but Suzie boxed up Psycho's ...

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Set to maximum yield, Bombshells break Rockit streak, 78-76

For many fans of the Minnesota RollerGirls, the Rockits have always been the winners. They just win; they're the serious, hard-working, take-care-of-your-body kind of players that can tell you the ins and outs of the game as they outdrink you. If you started attending bouts in Season 4, you've never known anything different. On Saturday, the Rockits lost. More importantly, the Atomic Bombshells - under the leadership of Mitzi Massacre and Misfit Maiden - played a smart game and beat the back-to-back champions of the Minnesota RollerGirls in a match that brought the fans roaring to their feet.

Venus Thightrap - lately the prime pivot for the All-Stars - returned to her jammer roots for the Atomic Bombshells against Harmony Killerbruise for the first jam. As the jammers made their way ...

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Home Season Six preview: Dagger Dolls and Garda Belts

The handmade capes, the Robber outfits, the Supervillain shirts that were tragically not for sale...they're all gone. League mixers are the past and on Saturday, January 2nd, 2010, the Minnesota RollerGirls begin the home season. The road to the Golden Skate has been cleared, and every team awaits the first whistle on Saturday night. In this and the following preview, we will reintroduce you to the four teams of the MNRG and we'll look ahead to the upcoming home season.

Dagger Dolls:
Captain: Candi Pain #666
Co-captain: Sweet Justice #i4ni
Last won the Golden Skate: 2005
Colors: pink and black

We asked each team a set of questions; here is what Candi and Sweet Justice reported back:

Q How would you explain your team to a person who's never come to a bout?
...

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Home Season Six preview: Atomic Bombshells and Rockits

In the first preview of the upcoming home season, we asked the captains of the Dagger Dolls and the Garda Belts about their teams. We now turn attention to the other bout on January 2nd...Rockits versus the Atomic Bombshells.

Atomic Bombshells:
Captain: Mitzi Massacre #3
Co-captain: Misfit Maiden #313
Last won the Golden Skate: 2007
Colors: orange and lime green

We asked each team a set of questions; here is what Mitzi Massacre wrote:

Q How would you explain your team to a person who's never come to a bout?
A The Atomic Bombshells are confident but not cocky, skilled and athletic but real warm-hearted and spirited, individually strong but collectively bad-bleeping-ass. If you don't know we're the orange team, just loo...

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