2011-2012 Season Schedule
Get ready for a season eight with the Minnesota RollerGirls - Minnesota’s original roller derby league.The fall bouts will feature your favorite four home teams and the winter/spring months will feature the All-Star bouts.
Saturday, October 15
Saturday, November 19
Saturday, December 17
Saturday, January 21 (home team championship)
Saturday, February 4
Saturday, February 18 with Minnesota Swarm
Saturday, March 3
Saturday, March 31
Saturday, June 16
News
Bout Recap: Hipsters slouch past Hunters, 77-63
Monday, March 07, 2011
Minnesota’s second mixer bout of the 2011 season looked to be a well-balanced roster from the get-go. Pile outstanding Gardas on the Hunters along with some Rockit blocking magic, while putting veteran blockers Shiver Me Kimbers and Pain Gretzky in charge of Atomic Bombshells and Dagger Dolls the likes of Lizzy the Axe, Olga Ogilthorpe, Scootaloo, and Skullateral Damage. Stir. Taste. Cut the Bombshell rookie jammer threat and two Rockit All-Stars not playing against DC down the middle (Hurtrude Stein and Killahertz to the Hunters, Freeze Baby and Patently Offensive to the Hipsters). Drink until unconscious.
Introduction of the teams: Twenty minutes for each mixer bout half. These bouts sometimes have a great many players for each team - so many that the roster becomes unmanageable for the captains. This time, both teams appear to be right around eighteen each. This means that we’ll have more consistent play throughout the game for both teams. John Maddening and Kodiak do their best to deadpan the names of the Hipsters (clearly, to make it sound more authentic), but the highs and lows of their theme music (the Ting-Tings “That’s Not My Name”) sort of washes out the names. Pity. It was cute.
Introduction of the mascots: The Hunters have brought with them a captured bear. Or at the least, a man in a bear suit. The Hipster mascot is rocking the headphones, the white suit, and the knuckles faux-tattooed with “SMUG LIFE”. It is clear that the teams enjoyed putting this bout together a great deal.
20 minutes (First half): the teams get down to business. The Hipsters have selected Lizzy the Axe from their playlist, while the Hunters have unholstered Cassie Rolle. Lizzy gets the first lead of the bout, but Cassie’s speed in getting out of the pack forces the Hipster jammer to call off the jam after lapping only one player.
Hipsters 1 - Hunters 0
19 minutes: Nothing but business for Hipster Patently Offensive. “Leo” breaks out of the pack, the Hunter defense skates to the front to place the Hipsters between Leo and their scorers. Patently Offensive extends her pace and scores four.
Hipsters 5 - Hunters 0
18 minutes: Ova Achieva fires off a shot for the Hunters as her blocker Betty LaRude clock-blocks opposing jammer Scootaloo. Ova gets one, Scootaloo steals two. That’s what a pretty pony does.
Hipsters 7 - Hunters 1
16 minutes: It’s been fantastic to see Rita Rawkus playing this year after being out all last year. Now’s no different as Rita and Hipster co-captain Pain Gretzky cordon off the Hunters’ jammer Hurtrude Stein. Killahertz finally dumps Pain to get Trudy through. Nonetheless, Rita and Pain’s work gave Lizzy the Axe enough time to score a grand slam. Early leads kill in these mixer bouts.
Hipsters 12 - Hunters 1
12 minutes: The Hunters take a timeout after Freeze Baby and Lizzy the Axe score six more unanswered points on the Hunters. Hunters are going nowhere fast at this rate. Scootaloo goes up against Ova Achieva again. Scoots takes the lead and starts lapping with Ova just behind. Hipster co-captain Shiver Me Kimbers gets clever and starts knocking down Hunters for Scootaloo to pass. Scoots gets four but doesn’t call off the jam quickly enough; Ova also gets four.
Hipsters 22 - Hunters 5
8 minutes: After a 2-2 jam and a single point scored by Hipster Freeze Baby, Rumblebee takes advantage of a sparse Hipster pack and nails an eight-point jam. So far, this is the biggest jam of the game. Who’s responsible? Looks like Hurtrude Stein and a returning Meshugenough calling hits on Madame de Stompadour. That single jam doubles the Hunter score.
Hipsters 25 - Hunters 15
6 minutes: More glorious blocking from Pain Gretzky. She stiffs Ova Achieva repeatedly as Lizzy the Axe responds to Rumblebee’s jam with seven points of her own. Pain’s been with us for a long time; she took a break following the infamous ‘nine-month injury’ and came back recharged. Barbie Brawl and a couple of other women on the league have taken this path. It’s worth wondering if this year’s new batch of derby moms (Sinaminn and Candi Pain) will be putting on skates again in Season 8.
Hipsters 32 - Hunters 15
4 minutes: Following an official timeout, Freeze Baby takes to the outside and gets another lead jam for the Hipsters as Trixie Whipsum strongarms her way through the pack to make space for Killahertz. Seems to work; Killahertz steals three while Freeze can only score two before calling the jam.
Hipsters 34 - Hunters 18
3 minutes: Now that’s a shame. Patently Offensive bends past Hunter Betty LaRude’s trap to get the lead, laps everyone and starts her scoring run just as opposing jammer Kit Shinkicker gets recycled to the back by the Hipsters on Kit’s initial pass. Leo sees Kit, appears to assume she’s on her lapping run, and calls off the jam after scoring one. Considering that both Leo and Kit play for the Rockits, it’s easy to guess that she just had faith in her teammate’s ability.
Hipsters 35 - Hunters 18
Last jam of the half: And what a way to end the half! A late-period jam by Hipster Moto Fluzzi ends up badly as Moto gets sent to the box. Her opposing jammer quickly calls off the jam to give the Hunters an opportunity to score on the power jam. Ova Achieva goes to the jammer line. Her team all takes a knee. This signals to the refs “No pack”, which means that the jammer may immediately skate forward instead of waiting for both teams to move ahead of the pivot line. (Everyone got that? Good!) Ova SCREAMS off the line, takes the lead against a full pack (no easy task), and scores a full fourteen points to bring the Hunters within three points of the lead.
Oh, no: This isn’t what we wanted to see at a bout. Salvador Brawlie is down. The EMTs are looking at her and taking off her skate so they can do better checking of her leg in the back; it looks like she will not be returning tonight. (We learned later that Brawlie was diagnosed with a broken fibula. We wish her a speedy recovery.)
Hipsters 35 - Hunters 32
20 minutes (second half): Play resumes, and Trudy gets the lead against a pack stacked against her. Instead of scoring points, she burns time so that her fellow Hunters can get out of the box and be replaced in the next jam with fresh players.
Hipsters 35 - Hunters 32
19 minutes: ...but that plan doesn’t sit well with the Hipsters. Konceal N Kari shunts Hunter jammer Ova out of play long enough for Hipster jammer Freeze Baby to get another lead. Freeze scores four points, Ova gets one.
Hipsters 39 - Hunters 33
18 minutes: Killahertz steps to the line against Patently Offensive. kHz, the Hunter jammer busts out of the pack quickly as Leo gets caught up by Hunter co-captain Dropkick Donna and Flora Flipabitch. Leo misses a step and gets called to the penalty box; Killahertz scores the jam of the match with a triple slam. Fifteen unanswered points that force the first lead change of the night.
Hipsters 39 - Hunters 48
15 minutes: Things are looking up for the Hunters as Cassie Rolle gets another lead jam, but Hipster Lizzy the Axe is fast on her heels. Cassie can’t call the jam soon enough and Lizzy scores three.
Hipsters 42 - Hunters 48
9 minutes: The Hipsters start getting uppity as Rumblebee gets called on a track cut, and three successive Hipster jammers take the lead jam. The Hunters scramble to stop the Hipster advance and end up in the box. Freeze Baby scores a double slam in the midst of it off of a 5-on-2 team advantage (what the players call a ‘minivan’). Good reversal on the part of Team Hipster, and that’s a lead change to boot!
Hipsters 62 - Hunters 48
5 minutes: The Hunters have been unable to respond in kind. Despite three straight lead jams by Hunter jammers, the Hipsters have outscored them 5-4. The defensive lineups from the Hipsters may be unable to stop the initial pass, but the Hunters are having problems on defense as well.
Hipsters 67 - Hunters 52
1 minute, 30 seconds left: Leo gets called out on another track cut at the conclusion of a 4-0 jam by Cassie Rolle. This gives the Hunters a full minute to jam unopposed, but the Hipsters shut down Hurtrude Stein enough that she only scores three points - and those after Patently Offensive completes her penalty trip. Still, it’s an eight point game.
Hipsters 67 - Hunters 59
Final jam: Killahertz puts on the Hunter jammer star against Scootaloo as the two teams beef up their defensive lines with their ‘Thugs’. Good choices; kHz has been the big scorer of the night thus far, while Scootaloo has more than proven herself an excellent utility jammer over the past years. Killahertz bursts out of the pack to take the lead; Scootaloo winds through ten seconds later. However, Killahertz gets stomped on by Shiver Me Kimbers, Olga Ogilthorpe, and Lizzy the Axe for the last moments of the game, scoring only four points to Scootaloo’s ten. The Hipsters win!
Final score: Hipsters 77 - Hunters 63
Hipsters:
77 points
14 Lead jams
1 Power jam
Freeze Baby (5-6) 21 pts
Scootaloo (2-5) 21 pts
Lizzy the Axe (3-8) 18 pts
Patently Offensive (4-7) 14 pts
Madame de Stompadour (0-1) 3 pts
Moto Fluzzi (0-2) 0 pts
Hunters:
63 points
15 Lead jams
3 Power jams
KillaHertz (2-4) 22 pts
Ova Achieva (2-5) 21 pts
Hurtrude Stein (4-5) 9 pts
Rumblebee (4-8) 7 pts
Cassie Rolle (3-6) 4 pts
Kit Shinkicker (0-1) 0 pts
More News
The 2012 Wheelies
May 08, 2012
A season of surprises, kickass rookies, skaters going above and beyond…and the results are in!
Minnesota shotguns Brewskis, 173-104
April 11, 2012
The All-Stars go 10-0 on the Roy track, defeating Milwaukee’s best and finishing the MNRG’s 8th season on top.
New school defeats old in league-wide battle, 116-80
April 10, 2012
The Minnesota RollerGirls took to the track in a familiar bout on March 31st as the league’s veterans (playing as the “Mayo Clinicians”) attempted to go 2-0 against those newest to roller derby (the “State Fair Foodies”). After falling behind in the first half, the Foodies outscored the veterans 85 to 12 in the second to win the match 116-80.
The Northern Fights final scores
March 31, 2012
The younger skaters take one back on the Vets…and Minnesota makes it ten in a row on the Roy track.
The Northern Fights: the preview
March 29, 2012
The end of the season, the final mixer, and a match against the brilliant Brewcity Bruisers.
