2011-2012 Season Schedule
Get ready for a season eight with the Minnesota RollerGirls - Minnesota’s original roller derby league.The fall bouts will feature your favorite four home teams and the winter/spring months will feature the All-Star bouts.
Saturday, October 15
Saturday, November 19
Saturday, December 17
Saturday, January 21 (home team championship)
Saturday, February 4
Saturday, February 18 with Minnesota Swarm
Saturday, March 3
Saturday, March 31
Saturday, June 16
News
Bout Recap: Operation Uff-Da: Dolls clinch finals; Rockits defeat Bombshells in final jam
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The Minnesota RollerGirls continued their hometeam tournament last Saturday evening with the Dagger Dolls and Rockits both notching a win. The Dolls took hold early and defeated the Garda Belts 86-67. Meanwhile, the Rockits took the victory in a scoreboard-watching final jam against the Atomic Bombshells (82-80).
Rockits v Atomic Bombshells
The Rockits’ Harmony Killerbruise started the night’s first game off with a textbook lead jam for four unanswered points against the Bombshells. Scarmen Hellectra followed up for another four, cleanly skating through an open inside turn. The Rockits’ Patently Offensive made it twelve for her team, busting past L’exi-Cuter’s attempted jammer-on-jammer lateral hits. However, L’exi stole two points on Leo’s scoring pass and brought the score to 12-2 with four minutes gone.
Harmony took another three points in the following jam as her teammate Vuedoo Prodigy stopped the ABS’ rookie jammer Fannie Tanner with an illegal forearm. Another Bombshell rookie, Messi Jigler, grabbed their first lead jam of the night and nailed a grand slam as Diamond Rough and BOOMbay Safire shut down opposing jammer Scarmen Hellectra. In the 7th minute, Freeze Baby sliced through the pack three times for nine more Bombshell points while Sand BlastHer, Skullateral Damage, and Venus Thightrap sat on the Rockit jammer. With that, the Bombshells took the lead, 17-16.
The Rockits retook the lead as an irrepressible Harmony juked through Bombshell defense for a quick two. Scar took eight more for the Rockits while Frau Scientits and Rockits newcomer Buzz Tightrear juggled Fannie Tanner in the pack. 25-17 Rockits up after ten minutes.
The Rockits slowly increased their lead over the remainder of the half, holding the Atomic Bombshells to only five more points while scoring sixteen more of their own. The Rockits looked far more at ease than in October’s game against the Dolls, smoothly waterfalling (rotating blockers back into engagement with the opposing jammer once they had been beaten) and making sure that they held the front once jammers lapped around to score. However, L’exi-Cuter took the final four points of the half for the Bombshells, bringing the halftime score to 41-22.
L’exi-Cuter returned to the line immediately to begin the second half and streaked through Rockit opposition for four points. Scarmen and the Bombshells’ Freeze Baby sprinted for the same hole in the pack on the following jam. Scarmen squeaked through it for the lead, while Freeze shot inside to pass the pack seconds later; neither could score. Patently Offensive took the next four points for the Rockits, but Fannie Tanner responded the following jam with a lead and three points against a drawn-out Rockit pack. 45-28, Rockits up.
The Rockits began to re-establish their focus over the next two jams and scored eight, holding Messi Jigler and Freeze Baby back from breaking the pack. Rockits co-captain Honeydew Felon in particular hunted Freeze across the Roy’s floor, knocking her off the track and into the unwary audience.
At the 28th minute, ABS jammers L’exi and Fannie Tanner emerged past would-be bludgeons Scarmen, Vuedoo Prodigy, and Buzz Tightrear over the course of three jams. Meanwhile, a battalion of Bombshells busted up the Rockits. ABS All-Stars like Diamond, Venus Thightrap, and Hurtrude Stein held up the red jammers, but so, too, did second-year vet Smoka Hontas. Harmony finally ended the Bombshell scoring streak with three unanswered points. Rockits 59 – Bombshells 38 with seven to go.
Although the Bombshells were beginning to gel and cause trouble for their opponents, they needed a break. The Bombshells made one. L’exi-Cuter stepped to the jammer line against Scarmen Hellectra. The pack moved off the line slowly as the Rockits ate up some clock time, but L’exi-Cuter took the lead for her Bombshells while an illegal low block sent Scarmen Hellectra to the penalty box. L’exi, hearing “POWER JAM” from the bench, started flying. Although Vuedoo and Rockit blocker Cookies and Scream held her for precious seconds in the front of the pack, L’exi scored fourteen. 59-52.
Freeze Baby went in next and took another nine points while ABS blockers Diamond, L’exi-Cuter, and Madame D’Stompadour wedged in around Rockits jammer Frau Scientits. Bombshells now had a narrow lead, 61-59 with two minutes left.
The Rockits put up one of their most agile power blocker lines – Coochie Coup, Honeydew, Vuedoo, and Scarmen – against Fannie Tanner. Harmony put on the jammer cover, shot through the pack, and staged a nineteen-point, two-minute jammer clinic as Fannie got tanned by the Red Wall. Halfway through the jam, Fannie’s pivot called a star pass audible, but only escaped the pack after Harmony had scored her nineteen. The Bombshells called a timeout. They were behind by seventeen (78-61) with only time for a final jam.
So much happened in that final jam that time appeared to slow. Here’s what happened.
L’exi took her place on the track as the Atomic Bombshell jammer along with her team’s own thug line - Diamond, Smoka Hontas, Hurtrude Stein, and Venus. Next to her; Vuedoo Prodigy, a defensive jammer for the Rockits. The ABS defense took a knee to start the jammers moving right away, then threw themselves in front of Vue, stopping the Rockit jammer in her skates. L’exi wound through for the lead and for a grand slam (78-66), but didn’t stop going. Meanwhile, Vuedoo had been hit hard enough by Diamond Rough to dislodge her jammer cover…meaning that Vue was now ‘inactive’ and could not take the lead or score points until it was recovered.
L’exi scored another five (78-71) and kept skating. Coochie Coup, the Rockit pivot, tried to grab the cover and make a sort of self-made star pass. Umpire Strikes Back sent her to the penalty box, as only a jammer can pick up a fallen jammer cover. Coochie dropped the cover back to the ground.
L’exi scored another five (78-76), and continued flying around the track. Vue finally escaped the pack and picked up the jammer cover while on her lapping run – enabling her to start scoring points once she re-engaged the pack - and scored four of her own (82-76).
L’exi scored another four (82-80) and called the jam with twenty seconds to go; not quite enough to take the win, but enough to make the crowd’s collective heart stop with the attempt. FINAL: Rockits 82 - Atomic Bombshells 80.
With this close win, the Rockits are still in the hunt for the Golden Skate, but the Bombshells have now been statistically eliminated.
Pizza Luce player of the game: Messi Jigler
Derby 4 All Game Changer: Buzz Tightrear
Rockits - 82 points
16 Lead Jams
0 Power Jams
Harmony Killerbruise - 6-10, 40 pts
Scarmen Hellectra - 6-9, 23 pts
Patently Offensive - 4-8, 15 pts
Vuedoo Prodigy - 0-1, 4 pts
Frau Scientits - 0-1, 0 pts
Atomic Bombshells - 80 points
13 Lead Jams
1 Power Jam
L’exi-cuter - 6-11, 49 pts
Freeze Baby - 3-7, 18 pts
Fannie Tanner - 2-5, 7 pts
Messi Jigler - 2-5, 6 pts
Hurtrude Stein - 0-1, 0 pts
Venus Thightrap - 0-1, 0 pts
Garda Belts v Dagger Dolls
The Dagger Dolls’ Second Hand Smoke broke first blood with a grand slam (five points), charging ahead while Juke Boxx hammered the Garda Belts’ opposing jammer to the outside of turn 3. Garda jammer MEDUSA returned fire, taking nine as Ova Achieva got ridden around the track by Tara Bichapart, Betty LaRude, and Shiva Shank’n. Dolly vet Psycho Novia took two in the following jam. Gardas 9 – Dolls 7.
Gardas Shiva and Suzie picked up the next two lead jams, but neither could score a point before their opponents re-engaged the pack. No score for two minutes. Ova Achieva took nine hard-fought points, retaking the lead in scoring as she stretched out the Garda pack to the snapping point. The Gardas’ jammer Moto Fluzzi snuck in one. Dolls 16 – Gardas 10.
The Dolls went on a nineteen-point scoring tear over the next eight minutes. Although they did not get every lead, the Dolls consistently waterfalled to the front to create rotating walls of jammerhate that consistently delayed the Garda Belt scorers. Tiki Torture alone sent many a Garda into the crowd as a one-woman bludgeoning crew. Dolls 35 – Gardas 10.
However, Garda Belt jammer MEDUSA finally found her chance at the 16th minute after her team took a timeout. She scoried two leads for seven points over the course of three jams. The Dolls more than matched those points and went into halftime ahead by 28. Dolls 45 – Gardas 17.
The Dolls held their lead in the first minutes of the second half, but the Gardas began to bust out in the 24th minute. Shiva Shank’n scored a lead jam while Second Hand Smoke engaged with the Garda defense hard enough that one of her skate’s axles tore apart. However, Smoke also got called on a back block for her troubles and was sent to the box…but on seven wheels. Shiva scored five.
The referees called a timeout; the Dolls replaced Smoke with Ova Achieva in the box. However, that still gave MEDUSA the power jam; DUSA scored a double-slam. Dolls 50 – Gardas 37.
The Dolls next put out Psycho Novia against Suzie Smashbox at the jammer line. Suzie got caught on the outside of turn one with a track cut; Psycho tore through Garda Belt defense for twenty-two points on the resulting power jam. Veteran Garda Belt Rumblebee returned fire with a smooth lead jam and a handful of points, but the Dolls still had a sizable lead with only ten minutes to go. Dolls 72 – Gardas 42.
The Gardas’ Shiva Shank’n jammed against a returning Second Hand Smoke (now wearing a borrowed pair of skates). Both sprinted for the same narrow opening in the pack but neither could outrace the other. Both hit the pack wall, but Shiva recovered more quickly and scored four points. DUSA jumped through the inside to take three the following jam… and then Suzie picked up the Gardas’ fourth straight lead.
Suzie had found her path around the Dolly defense and scored a ‘natural’ (unaided by a power jam) triple slam against Psycho Novia. Psycho’s path was cut off at every turn by a shifting wall of Gardas. At the end of the jam, Psycho went to the box for a major track cut. The Dolls called a timeout, as the score gap had narrowed to only nine. Dolls 72 – Gardas 63.
The Gardas put MEDUSA again at the jammer line to take advantage of Psycho in the box. The Dolls put up a power line, placing Second Hand Smoke and Juke Boxx in the back of the pack with Naughty Kitty and Sweet Justice up front. The Doll defense held DUSA for the full power jam; Psycho threw herself out of the penalty box, took lead, and scored nine points. Dolls 81 – Gardas 63 with two minutes remaining.
The Gardas put up Tara Bichapart for her first jam as an MNRG player to try to grapple the win back into reach. Tara got the lead, scored four and called it. That left time for one more jam, but the Dagger Dolls’ Second Hand Smoke picked up the final lead jam, held it until the end of regulation time, and ended the game with a tap of her hips. FINAL: Dagger Dolls 86 – Garda Belts 67.
With this win, the Dagger Dolls have now clinched their finals berth in January. The outcome of the bout between the Garda Belts and the Rockits in December will determine their opponent. See you there.
Pizza Luce player of the game: Suzie Smashbox
Derby 4 All Game Changer: Psycho Novia
Dagger Dolls - 86 points
12 Lead Jams
2 Power Jams
Psycho Novia - 5-6, 40 pts
Second Hand Smoke - 4-8, 16 pts
Naughty Kitty - 2-2, 11 pts
Ova Achieva - 1-5, 9 pts
Angelfire - 0-1, 8 pts
Juke Boxx - 0-4, 2 pts
Shiver Me Kimbers - 0-2, 0 pts
Garda Belts - 67 points
15 Lead Jams
3 Power Jams
MEDUSA 7-9, 34 pts
Suzie Smashbox 2-9, 16 pts
Shiva Shank’n 3-4, 9 pts
Tara Bichapart 1-1, 4 pts
Rumblebee 2-2, 3 pts
Moto Fluzzi 0-2, 1 pt
Scootaloo 0-1, 0 pts
Reporting from where all the women are strong, all the men are accessories, and all the children turn left,
-Garrison Killer
More News
The 2012 Wheelies
May 08, 2012
A season of surprises, kickass rookies, skaters going above and beyond…and the results are in!
Minnesota shotguns Brewskis, 173-104
April 11, 2012
The All-Stars go 10-0 on the Roy track, defeating Milwaukee’s best and finishing the MNRG’s 8th season on top.
New school defeats old in league-wide battle, 116-80
April 10, 2012
The Minnesota RollerGirls took to the track in a familiar bout on March 31st as the league’s veterans (playing as the “Mayo Clinicians”) attempted to go 2-0 against those newest to roller derby (the “State Fair Foodies”). After falling behind in the first half, the Foodies outscored the veterans 85 to 12 in the second to win the match 116-80.
The Northern Fights final scores
March 31, 2012
The younger skaters take one back on the Vets…and Minnesota makes it ten in a row on the Roy track.
The Northern Fights: the preview
March 29, 2012
The end of the season, the final mixer, and a match against the brilliant Brewcity Bruisers.
