Oct 7, 2018 | Bout News

Planet of the Skates preview: Battle for the Gilded Steak

The Minnesota RollerGirls hit the track on October 13th at the LEGENDARY Roy Wilkins Auditorium for a brand new season of roller derby.

Full details on getting tickets as well as our bout and door charities can be found right here. Whether you're new to the league or have been coming for a decade, here's what you need to know.

MEAT. ON A STICK. ON A TROPHY.

October 13th marks the 7th running of MNRG's Gilded Steak tournament. Instead of two bouts, you'll see the four teams of the MNRG battle it out in a one-night, quad-header tournament. The Dagger Dolls and Rockits will play a single-period bout. Then the ABS and Garda Belts take to the track for their own.

After half-time with St. Paul School of Rock All-Stars, the losers will play for third. The winners of the first two bouts will finish out the night. The team with the most points in that last bout get that beautiful Gilded Steak* and we take the after party to Saint Paul's Camp Bar.

With only a single period for each bout, the teams will have to balance out first-bout nerves with their ability to score. There's not a lot of time to adjust, so teams have to be careful putting out jammers that are penalty-heavy or that can be out-matched by a powerful blocker pack. If a team's behind, they may only have one or two minutes to adjust before the game is out of reach. Every jam counts.

Bout One: Rockits vs Dagger Dolls

The Dagger Dolls

It's been five years since the Dolls have won the Steak. Historically, the Dagger Dolls have experimented with their jammer rotation during the Gilded Steak and given their rookies a chance to shine - whether as a point-scorer or as part of the pack. This means that the Dolls get an early look at their team during bout-time without risk to their chances at the league championship. And sometimes, the Dolls hit the jackpot with their mix.

This year, we expect six new rookie Dolls (BB-SK8, Little Rascal, Mollz to the Wallz, Pretty Rackless, Thimbleberry Slam, and Val Kyrie) in play. Should Whoopsie Daisy, EsmerHellda, and their coaching staff can find that balance - bringing in their heavies like Oh Geez! (Hanna Belle Lector, celebrating her 15th season with a name change), Kung POW Bitchin', Dugger, and Shock Therapy alongside the rookies, the Dolls stand a great chance to catch that early upset over the Rockits and go to the finals.

Out for October: Mischief Managed

The Rockits

YOUR intergalactic rock stars and the present holders of the Gilded Steak. Headed by Rhea Volt and Jojo Juk'Em, the Rockits will be bringing back nearly the same team, but watch for Killer Bea (former Doll) and Brutal Brit (ex-Garda) wearing red for the first time.

Vet teams usually have a slight advantage in Gilded Steak tournaments; with known threats on the jammer line like Jacked Pipes, Bri Zuss, and anne t. fascism and the Gilded Steak in possession, the Rockits may be the favorite to win in this bout.

Out for October: Scarmen Hellectra, Moose Def-initely, NexJen

Bout two: Atomic Bombshells vs Garda Belts

The Garda Belts

So here it is: the Gardas haven't yet won this one-night tournament, but this might be their year. HEAR ME OUT. You've got Baller and the nigh-legendary Crust Almighty captaining this team. Switch Please has been setting the international derby scene on fire all summer, and they're back in Garda Belt green. Garda Belt standard-bearers Anita Spankston and La Vibora (formerly Shiva Shank'n) have returned for another season. With Sheen, SockHer, and the rest - the Gardas' established core is particularly strong this year.

Like the Dolls, the Gardas must balance their existing talent with six new skaters - Gay of Reckoning, Kafrodisiac, Legs, RamPaige, Sodium FiNa and Yzerslam and put out teams that can even out the ABS blocker threat.

Out for October: Baller, Sodium FiNa, Second Hand Smoke

The Atomic Bombshells

Every year, derby fans try to judge the Bombshells' chances by the quality of their skaters who have retired, but they always end up underestimating the ABS. The Orange Threat always seem to find the best. This year, co-captains Chocolate Pain and Hannah Shot First have brought six new skaters to the team. Lazy Susan, MiserLewd, Pitch Slap, Rosa Park-It, Speed Rita, and Velvet Wench - welcome to the dynasty.

The rookies will join perennial threats Madame d'Stompadour, Diamond Rough, and C-Pain on the track, blowing up would-be jammers and leaving their opponents isolated and miserable. The most winningest team in the history the Minnesota RollerGirls lacks only one laud: they trail behind the Rockits in Gilded Steak victories by one. Time to correct that.

Out for October: Messi Jigler

Bouts THREE AND FOUR: NOT YET DETERMINED

First whistle at 7pm on October 13th. Welcome back to the Roy, derby fan.

*As far as we know, no actual meat was used to make the trophy.**

**As far as we know.